Break On Through To The Other Side

BE PRESENT & BREAKTHROUGH

One of my biggest challenges is taking responsibility for my own failures and forgiving myself for making mistakes.  It happens and it's important to fail forward.

I learned how to do this when I began taking yoga regularly.  Lying still for two minutes was so hard to do.  It left me alone with my thoughts.  It forced me to recognize that I was holding onto years and years of resentment and anger.  I was alone in my thoughts and now I had to face it.  Holy Shit.

There's so much fear that makes you hide from facing what's been weighing heavily on you, wearing you down.  It's so easy to get busy and not have to deal with these things.  Do this, do that. go here, go there.  Bella was only in preschool at the time.

What I learned in yoga was that when you do the poses that there's no pressure to do them right and no judgement if you fall.  It takes a lot of practice to look like gumby-girl next to me.  You know, the one who danced all her life and has been practicing for years, and oh yea, she's also a teacher.  "Comparison is the Thief of Joy".  That's the truth.  When I stopped comparing and I stopped TRYING SO HARD to be perfect I got better... my flexibility improved, my breathing was better.

Yes, I was breathing better.  #justBreathe.  Through breathing in those two minutes alone, I pushed away the negative thoughts along with those heavy ones too.  It taught me to push them away temporarily, just as I did with Bella when I needed to get something done.  My thoughts were like a classroom filled with toddlers vying for my attention all at once.  I couldn't help them all if I couldn't even finish the task at hand.  "I'll be with you in two minutes" I would think while lying on my mat.

So what happens while lying on your mat, alone with your thoughts in those scary two minutes?

• I learned to breathe.  Inhale for 4 counts and Exhale for 8. 
• Inhale the good, exhale the bad.  Or as we watched in the American Girl Saige movie, "inhale blue skies, exhale gray skies".  
• I learned to let go.  All of a sudden what was weighing me down didn't matter.
• I learned how to JUST BE in the PRESENT MOMENT.  This was a revelation!!
• I learned that in the present moment that worrying about the past didn't serve me and that worrying about the future made me miss out on today.  
• That being said, I found myself wanting to not miss out today or any day.
• I learned how to let go of the past.  I STRUGGLED WITH THIS PART like you couldn't believe.  I had an unnatural attachment to my anger and resentment.  Yeah, it fueled me, but it didn't serve me.  
• I learned that I was angry at situations where others were not.  Who was living their life? Them, not me.  They were happy & I was not.  THAT was like Moses parting the sea for me. 
• I recognized that I had failed, made mistakes and was part of the initial problems.  I also had to accept personal responsibility for my actions.  
• THAT was another struggle.  I accepted that I had failed.  Now what???
• I found that it was time to forgive myself of my past and simply move forward.  

Always move forward. Keep moving forward.  I was holding myself back.  I was so focused on the good and/or bad results that I didn't spend anytime in the process, or the journey.  I needed to focus on the present, the moment, that day and trust in it.  #TrustTheProcess #TrustYourJourney.  

All of what I learned helped me move forward at 40 years old.  It was a rough time for me inside my head.  I hated 40, I hated that we moved back to the burbs.  I hated that so much had changed and I couldn't control most of it.  

When you start focusing on the good, the positive, the uplifting ~ things start to change in ways that make you happy and grateful.  #EveryDayIsAGift.  

Today, September 1. I'm struggling with my personal failures.  Someone else may not see them that way and that's ok.  I just know exactly where I went wrong in August.  I didn't accomplish my goals.  I didn't do what I set out to do.  Hell, I barely even tried.  I was really upset with myself last night.  My belly even hurt and I couldn't sleep. I was up until after 3am knowing I would feel the consequences this morning.  But you know what? I remembered that I have to own up to my actions and forgive myself in order to move forward.  Failing forward.... it's only a mistake if you don't learn from it right? 

Today I will focus on the journey; not the results.  

Today I will take two minutes out of my day to just be and to just breathe.  

Is it any wonder that when I didn't practice yoga that I started to falter personally? 

I need those two minutes. 

That's where my mind shows me how to focus on the journey and how to enjoy it.  

This is where my mind will tell me, "You're not on the verge of a breakdown, you're on the verge of a breakthrough." 

IT'S TIME TO MAKE A BREAKTHROUGH!